hiiiiiiii. i thought maybe i should explain more about the title of this blog.
ive always idealized movies like perks of being a wallflower, not the sad parts, but the teenage moments where the kids peak in highschool and are having the time of their lives and each moment is fleeting but right now and right here is all they know. that innocence and happiness is something i think everyone really wants. not that i want to peak in high school, i just want high school to be great and everything else that follows that to be infinitely better. but as i mentioned, im about to be a senior so its kind of hard to redeem a whole highschool career of depression (tea)….
theres this scene in perks of being a wallflower and its when sam, charlie, and patrick are driving in the tunnel and heroes by david bowie is playing and sam stands through the sunroof with her hands behind her and basking in how awesome the song and this specific moment is. i dont even really like that song by bowie that much, but that scene evokes this indescribable emotion and yearning in me. i only have a select few songs that meet that criteria for me, its really the tunnel test. maybe one day ill post the playlist i have of my tunnel songs but aint nobody deserve to know me like that yet.
also i keep talking about perks of being a wallflower like im obsessed with it but im really not ive only seen the movie like 3 times max its just something about it that captures me and how i feel about a lot of things just by watching it. there are very few things in life where you can not experience it but still feel that emotion secondhand. ugh sorry i just wanted to justify that.
also me and my friend always drive around with the windows down listening to cliche indie music and look at birds and clouds and talk about how in a few moments when the right song starts to play, we feel like were the main characters everyone wants to be and know. i feel like thats kind of conceited but its true. that feeling is like being you against the world but for a moment, the world doesnt stand a damn chance against you and you feel on fire with hope for life and idk if im just really depressed and am obsessed with that feeling or im some indie movie moment junkie and i should seek help… i think either option means i need to seek help omg bye
i cant tell if its because im a teenage girl in a dying world or im a writer or its both, but i am hopelessly filled with hope and ambition and expectations and depressed and scared all at the same time. i think my knowledge and surroundings tell me to be scared and hopeless while my nature as a person and at this specific moment in my life i have to be wide eyed with love and potential. ive said hope so much while writing and rewriting this idek if its a real word anymore. maybe im making it up and thats why it seems so damn unattainable!
i might genuinely be two people omg so quirky me documenting my mental illness thru a wordpress blog i made at 1 am. this is so on brand for me its disgusting.
in 30 years i want some random teenager to find this website while im probably living life at the age of (almost 50 wtf ew) and definitely dont remember making this. thats seriously all i want, that poor girl who stumbles upon this is gonna be like damn the 2000s generation was fucking weird. girl, youre correct. omg what if its my own daughter. omg see here i go again with these cheesy ideas.. hi sweaty hope u did ur homework ok but seriously gtfo bc imma be talking about bad stuff… jk but omg how fucjing annoying is it that like im probably gonna shelter my kids so much but here i am like ?? ive done a ton of stupid shit that would probably get me murdered and in hindsight i should 100% be dead or in jail by now but my kids are gonna be like “omg mom was such a loser in highschool she just studied”
ok dont think im like a crackhead or anything… just teenage rebellion and angst making me do stupid normalish teen shit. omg i need to keep this clean. i start bleeping my curse words like annoying a** youtubers trying to get monetized… like if u dont just die already…. omg can wordpress delete a post or a blog for being problematic. im the jovan of wordpress…… ok on that note i need to die so goodnight i swear this time this is stupid again anyways love u
i wish this was a coming of age indie movie 